if i promise to miss you, will you go away?

bathrooms that can go both ways are called "unisex," but people who can go both ways aren't.

i went to the dmv yesterday after rally to take my driving test (again) and i lost hope in humanity. we went to the harvey one (i know) because we figured it wouldn't be to crowded during school hours. and it wasn't, but all the test slots were filled, BUT i get priority scheduling monday. the lady referred to this as a "g-number" (as opposed to a c-number).

while the woman was explaining this, i contemplated my hunger, exhaustion, and strung-outness, and my mother later accused me of "pouting," saying that i "could have been a little more schmoozy." because schmoozing is known to elicit great results from the dmv (not).

afterwards i got cantaloupe bubble tea and saw a motorcyclist light a cigarette while crossing the crescent city connection and these things made me feel better. i also saw a sorority girl with long pointy hair driving a black pickup with a pink confederate flag outline covering the entire back window.

my pinky toes go numb quite a lot. clearly they will drop off at any moment because i am so highly evolved. on the downside i'm pretty certain that i have stomach cancer.

album reccommendations (i have gone through periods where these were all i listened to):
peaceful the world lays me down by noah and the whale
vampire weekend by vampire weekend
you & me by the walkmen
come on feel the illinoise by sufjan stevens

maybe extroversion doesn't necessarily entail composure. it seems like it should, as a natural defense, like all the eccentric artists and writers with all their secret problems.

it makes sense to me that a private personality will have private problems, but it doesn't follow that a strong personality shouldn't be taken seriously. if i begin a new life of timidity and quiet reservation, speaking softly if at all, opposing nary a thing, will my "peers" stop viewing me as a highly entertaining tearful nervous wreck?

they can't distinguish between a hysterical but humorous rant and a nervous breakdown. they can't understand that i'm walking quickly, staring at the baseboards and hiding my face because i want to be alone and am simply making an animalistic mad dash through the public square to a cave where i can privately lick my wounds. they can't understand that i can't laugh at it yet, and that even though i'll laugh off a lot of things, maybe there are some things i will never laugh at. what hurts most is that i'm getting back the exact opposite of what i give out, despite my mother's incessant insistence that i am fatally lacking in empathy.

i don't know what to change to make it better.

"COULD YOU PLEASE HANDLE THE DRESSES BY THE HANGERS. THANKS."

"boston terriers have very strong jaws, and they will nip at you. they will nip."

my education is physically hurting me at this point

~the supreme court of rally~

here is my "article" for the school paper:

Come Rally Day, word of each grade’s theme has leaked, and everyone knows the basic concept of each skit, but one component of Rally remains a mystery: the identities of the five judges. Shortly before the performances begin, Athletic Director Mr. P. Spitzfaden announces their names.

Vice-President of Institutional Advancement Mrs. T. Dunn selected the judges for the decade leading up to her retirement this year, and now the responsibility belongs to Ms. S. Salvagio.

The five judges are always alumnae “who have contributed to the school with their time, talent or treasure,” says Ms. Salvagio. The women are selected from the many graduates who have remained in contact with the school and have expressed an interest in the position. Ms. Salvagio says, “We try to select judges who graduated in different decades and who have had different Rally experiences.” To assure unbiased decisions, the judges may not be related to any current students.

Faced with the daunting task of choosing the winners, each judge ranks the grades in each of the seven categories, including Mascot and Pep Squad. Within each category, the judges assign points to the grades based on their ranks, and the points given by each judge are averaged. The grade with the highest point average in a certain category wins first place.

Though Rally Night is now Rally Day, the tradition and process of choosing
judges remains unchanged.

my "teacher" has this new rule by which we must have someone fact-check our drafts and sign off on them. in my case, this person was dean of students, ms. s. salvagio, who decided that she did not like the bolded line, preferring to be quoted as having said "dedicated and loyal alumnae." this would be fine if i had not already mentioned this in the bits where i stated that they are "graduates" and "alumnae" and where i showed that they are loyal and dedicated, rather than directly stating it. the alliterative quotation is sadly the cleverest bit of my article, so naturally, it must go. because i must include her adjustment, i must also excise my now repetitive descriptions. i should probably also change the byline to her name, because little of the final draft will be written of my own volition.

it's sad that i was warned just a little too late that writing for a catholic school's newspaper is not an exercise in student journalism so much as a lesson in the retrogressive, repressive attitude of catholic schools. i actually got a 7/10 for "strong, interesting, and descriptive wording" on my first draft. me. i got points off for not using captivating diction. last time, i got points off for using precise, apt vocabulary too erudite for the majority of dominican's student body. i was not allowed to use the word arduous. clearly we accept only the best.

i've had sufjan stevens' come on, feel the illinoise on heavy rotation for weeks now, so i've been feeling rather enigmatic and contemplative and utterly stupid in my free time